With all due respect to horses and turtles for whom they are just the most wonderful de-LI-ca-cy…surely there’s SOMETHING less objectionable in the ecosystem that can replace them!
I just hauled CJC out on a walk to try and sort out a transition problem in the book. Sometimes just talking about it helps you sort it out or a random comment/reaction aims you at the key. That was the case with this one. Waltzed up to the house…and there was yellow everywhere. I swear to gawd that yellow wasn’t there when we headed out. And in the time it took me too pull those, others were out! ARGH! I’m determined to stay ahead of them this year. I can’t do anything about what comes in on the air, other than keep the Preen going, but at least I can avoid a plague.
Is figuring out when it’s time to delegate.
The fact is, I’m used to being able to do just about everything myself. My dad was a Jack of all trades and master of most of them. I’m kind of the xerox copy of that, in that I tend to make do rather than master, but because I worked with him so much as a kid, my attitude is, if I don’t know how to do it, I’m clever enough, and facile enough with my hands to figure it out, if I just ask the right questions. I’ll save a little money, learn a new skill, and have pride in accomplishment. (In retrospect, that’s an important mental part of being a writer, so maybe I inherited the writing gene from him, but I digress…)
But transitioning from Mother to Crone involves physiological imperatives…like bad backs from bearing “children”…that begin to get in the way of doing everything yourself. Now in my case, “children” tend to be wheelbarrow loads of rocks, dirt, and boxes of books, but you get the idea.
Agreeing to hire someone to put in the new fence is a big step for me. I see how it’s done. I know I could do it. I know I have wonderful friends who would help me. But y’know? I have better things to do with my time. And I’d rather spend my time with my friends doing fun things…like putting the lights on Wiishu’s time machine/space ship…than putting up a fence.
However…even crones still have the warrior stage to go through, so…I’m darned if I’ll hire someone to clear a path through the burm for the fence, or hire someone to take down the fence panels.
I’m not heading into “healer” stage without a fight.
Who knew cellos could do this? (It doesn’t hurt that the guys are cute as buttons!)
Hope this works. Should link to a list of their videos. Highway to Hell, where they “jam” with guitarist Steve Vai, is wild. Happy listening! Oh…and be sure to check out the “funniest moments” videos. I want to go hang out a a bar with these two! They’re a riot!
Thank you Jim (Glass) for putting me onto them.
Okay…I know I’ve been really silent. I apologize for that. Wish I could say I had a good reason, but it boils down to a brain on overload.
TMI-time, but this blog began as a chronicle of life as a writer, and this overload has been a major problem for years. Menopause was a bitch for me, creatively. Between obsessive death-thoughts, circular thinking, the inability to prioritize, and the problems I was having with DAW, my writing was hosed. Zoloft solved the death-thoughts and got my writing on track for a while, but had side effects that got me looking for another answer. That’s when our friend Terry got us onto the whole thyroid thing. Bringing my TSH levels down got me off the Zoloft, for which I was very grateful. Solved the obsessive death thoughts without the other side effects.
Unfortunately, the circular, brain on overload has returned. Between the house and all its associated needs, Closed Circle and all its needs, and the increasing desire to lighten our load of collected stuff to what we really want to have around us, I’ve become increasingly overwhelmed. The lack of ability to prioritize has been killing me. My brain kept looking for a single focus that didn’t associate with the pressure of “getting it right, or else your life will be ruined.” i.e. play. One notes the obsession with Wiishu and now the obsession with GuildWars2. Both of these are wonderful in their own right and I have no desire to give them up, but…they are play. Escape.
Now don’t get me wrong: this is not all I’ve done for the last year, but it’s what has been fun and what I wanted to share. I’ve fought daily to get HomeComing Games finished. I’ve used every trick in the writer’s box of magic tricks. But I couldn’t focus. You have no idea on a story this complex with this much history and baggage and pressure to “get it right” just how devastating that has been. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of what I need to get done. Wiishu kept me from disappearing from the world altogether. And then Wiishu became more popular and getting his stories out became yet another pressure…and I turned to GW2.
The good news is, I think I’ve found a solution. Thanks to a couple of creative friends who had similar problems, I got on to Wellbutrin. My doc agreed to give me a trial dose…and I’m here to tell all those people who say these drugs take weeks to manifest…they’re basing those results on people whose minds I don’t even want to contemplate. And don’t tell me placebo! CJC said within hours of my first dose how different I was. More like my old, cheerful self. Taking things in stride (and I was working on taxes!) rather than going ballistic. This is not me controlling myself, this is hair trigger nerves getting de-triggered. I wasn’t panicking. I wasn’t getting defensive. Once these overwhelming chemical reactions were gone…I just solved the problem…the way I used to.
Even this post…I’ve written it in, what, fifteen minutes? In the last couple of years, it would have taken me all day, because my brain would have gone of on a dozen different tangents by now, reliving the historical problems, thinking about the Wiishu stories waiting to be processed, about the book and the scene I’m working on, about the have-dug up shrub outside my window… rather than just getting the job done. I leave it to your imaginations what is been like trying to write HG. I consider it a minor miracle that I still LIKE what I’ve managed to squeeze out this last year.
I hope, god how I hope, it continues to work…and that there are no negative side effects.
Keep your fingers cross for me!
Love to you all and thanks for bearing with me!
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